It doesn’t mean you have to eat crap or spend money you don’t have on a take-away. You just need simple things you can do easily, quickly and cheaply. And preferably are safe to do when you’re drunk and just have the munchies.

Toast

Yep I know this is meant to be a cookbook and this is not really cooking but it is satisfying eating. Put something nice on it though and if you add the right things it’s a perfectly reasonable meal.

Sardines or pilchards. Heaven. Get a tin of these in tomato sauce and empty into a bowl. A good splash of proper brown chip-shop vinegar and a shake of white pepper. Mash it up and spread it on. No need to butter the toast, lots of oil in there already

Beans, obviously. You need to cook beans in my opinion, not just heat them up. They are cooked long enough in the tin to be, well, cooked. And yes, they do cook them after they put them in the tin. But to make them really nice, add pepper, butter and I think Worcestershire Sauce (you can leave this out) and cook them gently in a pan for 20 minutes. The toast doesn't need butter

Cheese. No messing, just cheese and then under the grill. Toast the bread first and then add the cheese and grill it. I think Worcestershire Sauce is perfect for this too but then I’d put in on absolutely anything.

My favourite: seems poncey but not difficult; anchovies, basil and capers on dry toast then a drizzle of olive oil.

Or there’s always butter and/or Marmite if you really can’t be arsed.

Pasta

You can make a sauce in the time it takes for the pasta to cook.

BraddyPasta is basically a Putanesca. Put anchovies and garlic in some oil and dissolve the anchovies, add tomatoes, capers and olives if you have them, basil right at the end or oregano a few minutes before the end. This is nice with a bit of chilli powder too.

Carbonara. Easy; fry chopped bacon and separate an egg per person. When the pasta is cooked, add the pasta and a little bit of the water. Drop the egg yolk in. Stir so the pasta heats the egg without it cooking too much. You can mess around with cream and parsley and anything else you think will help and they’re lovely but seriously this is enough in its own. Grate a bit of Parmesan or Gran Padano on top.

Anchovy sauce; gently heat a bit of olive oil, drop in a tin of anchovies in their oil, heat gently so the anchovies dissolve and that’s it. Dried oregano and/or basil work but are not essential, so do capers, garlic, fresh herbs or anything you fancy.

A sandwich

Bacon, obviously