“Four isn’t enough is it?” Farage was heard to say this at his perfectly innocent meeting near Clacton

For once I agree with him on something: Four isn't enough.

Why has the way we buy meat changed so much?

There is a recipe here, but I want to talk about how inaccessible even “cheap” cuts are becoming

...although it won't sound like it

I am writing a sort of memoir for my kids and one of the sections is about a burger I had when I was about 3 in Australia.

In the shade by a river in my favourite country...

…Hendricks Martini anyone?

And how to do it

This seems fiddly but there are six really good reasons why you should butterfly a leg of lamb.

If I had a penny for every online recipe I’ve seen that claims to be “authentic”, I’d have £5.73

And don’t start me on “cultural appropriation”

Bloody cheek! That’s not a castle!

A beautiful city and beautiful land, blighted by poly-tunnels

I am standing in front of an orchestra blowing a kazoo because I think they need the help.

Ooh no. No, I don't like that at all.

The Bognor Blanca

That’s more like it

I briefly visited Oliva on the way from Torrevieja to Torrent and wasn’t that enamoured, the next town is Gandia and it seemed nicer somehow...

Nowhere near as flashy/pious as Pinto

I came by bus...well, that was the plan

Well, I didn't expect that!

So here we go, no affiliation with Scotland, no particular love of Burns or Scotch Whisky so…

Not everything needs to be caramelised

... with Dolby Surround Sound, not Black and White

Embrace the power of frozen veg!

Make it fun! (or at least not a massive pain in the bum)

And may not even be quicker or easier than the real thing

We all cock up, admit it and move on

Don't throw it away - it's handy

Panch means 5 in Bengali and is a beautiful thing.

"Salt is the difference between eating in black and white and eating in Technicolour"

...so we went to buy some and saw an amazing bit of beef!

We decided to have a roast but not a roast and went back to the old Bradford spring/summer favourite; crushed potatoes.

It’s been a crap day (or a great one), it’s late or you’re not in the mood.
This is already sort of a blog but not everything I think about food is a recipe

To Josh, Sam, Megan and Lily,

This isn’t meant to be replacement for buying proper books. If any of you are at all interested in cooking then I’m sure you’ll buy loads just like I have. But this is to give you the basics all in one place: something to take to college or your first flat or wherever and make a start. I’ve cooked a lot of stuff – a lot of nice stuff and a lot of crap stuff – and this will just condense what I’ve learnt from the good and the bad to give you a head start.

Don’t treat these recipes as Gospel – if you like more of something than I’ve used just add it, if you don’t like an ingredient chop it out or use something else. Love Tabasco? Put it in everything – why not? However, whatever you do with the ingredients, it is worth taking on board the learning points and technique advice – it saves time and gives better results.